Kid Sister and Me...

My sister Geri went to the hospital this morning to have her baby! I am so extremely excited but at the same time I am so disappointed that I could not be there beside her. I have prayed for this moment for so long and never did I imagine not being there to share it with her and her husband. I smile at the thought of them becoming parents. I don't know two people who deserve it more and I know they are going to be awesome parents.

My sister and I have done everything together. We have been side-by-side through thick and thin and have had some difficult decisions made in the past that could have wedged themselves between us...but they didn't. We have an understanding, we know that life will throw curve balls sometimes. We both believe strongly and wholeheartedly, in sometimes different things, but that's ok because in the end, we're still sisters and nothing can ever change that.

My family is very blessed to have such a close and loving relationship. Not that we don't have our shares of ups and downs and troubles in life but I feel incredibly lucky to know that no matter what we stick by one another. If I had to describe my family in one word it would probably be loyal. My parents have taught us, through their example, to stand behind what you believe and those you love. Sometimes it was tough, when you knew the consequences would be harsh, yet no matter how bad those consequences might have been they never seemed quite as severe as betrayal. And you know what? It always worked out in the end. I truly believe that those difficult moments build character in a person. No matter what we faced, no matter how difficult it was, we knew we had the comfort of a supportive and loving family waiting for us at home.

I hope, as a parent, I can give that to my children; that special bond that we share with each other. I have such special and unique relationships with each of them--both of my parents and my brother and sister.

Geri and I talk about this often, how growing up our parents seemed too strict in a lot of ways (too lenient in others, now that we have children) but we thank God for the way He knit our family together, so uniquely, so perfectly. Not that we're perfect by any means, but we're perfect for each other. We're strong in areas where the other is weak and so we carry each other through the difficult times. We don't let our differences separate us, or anything else for that matter. We realize in these days when family togetherness is not emphasized nearly enough, how lucky we truly are.

So you can imagine the bitter sweetness in my heart today while I sit at home, in Florida, and my baby sister is giving birth to her first child 1,000 miles away. Without me by her side. It is such a roller coaster of emotions! Every time someone calls and says, "OK, she's at 5 cm, she's doing great, she's really a tough cookie..." I am filled with such joy and excitement! Then it hits me like a ton of bricks, that when this is all over I am not going to be holding that bundle of joy in my arms. I'll be holding my blackberry with a picture of everyone else holding her. And you know what? That really is the pits.

I think back to when I had Ace, visiting hours were over and the nurses were asking everyone to leave but she sneaked into the room because she couldn't bear leaving that hospital without holding the baby she'd felt move so often in my tummy.

She came to my house every day, to cuddle and kiss and love my baby. She rocked him to sleep, fed him, bathed him and truly loved him like I knew she would because she is so full of love.

I hate knowing that I won't be able to return those kisses to her little angel, my new niece or nephew. I will love her (or him) though, I will love her and pray for her every day. I know that will make up for my absence. I know that when I do get there and can finally hold her in my arms and shower her with kisses, she will know exactly who I am and how much I love her...just like her mommy does.